You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
