Do you still have your period?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
if only i could text you this smell
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
