I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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