She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
