Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
