I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
