she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
