I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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