is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
