I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
