it wasn't lemon gatorade
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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