Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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