I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
