please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
