if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
