After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
