The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
