Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
