Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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