i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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