Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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