Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
