In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
