Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
