And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
