Little spoons don't ask big questions
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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