Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
