I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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