I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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