***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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