Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize