oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
