he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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