Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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