im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
