Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
