Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
