meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Apparently you make a good broom.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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