Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
