I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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