Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We have started to decorate penises.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
