Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
