Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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