My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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