thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
