WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
