Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
