My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize