I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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