your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
