I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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