Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
