Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i think i have herpe
just one?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
