chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
my poor anus
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
