I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
