Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
