So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
