You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
