Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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