Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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