True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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