Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
