Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
