Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
