i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
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