I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize