Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
