I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize