just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
