well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
