Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
