at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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