Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
